I understand where you are coming from. Marijuana has been illegal for decades, and it has been associated almost exclusively with losers and hoodlums. You believe that no good can come of cannabis legalization, because it turns users into “pot head” abusers. This possibility is in arguable. I have seen many fellow students fall into some condition comparable to addiction. The ability the plant has to change one’s life goals from success and respectability to a simple longing for an artificial endorphin release is certainly present, especially in young people. Another association marijuana has in many minds is that of a “gateway drug.” This too, is undeniable. Marijuana’s effects on one’s consciousness often lead a user to desire something stronger and more exciting. There is no reason why you should not find this fault in the drug.
But, there are also no reasons why you should find any other faults in it. Although marijuana can become far too important to youngsters and weak minded individuals, it is not physically addictive, like cocaine or heroin or cigarettes. Marijuana has never been linked to either brain or lung damage or to any kinds of cancer. In fact, medicinal marijuana had been being prescribed by licensed doctors for over 20 years to dull the pain and effects of certain types of cancer. Cannabis is not used solely by losers going nowhere, although there are certainly a lot of loser users out there. You cannot overdose from marijuana consumption, and so it has never been the cause of death on any death certificate. “Weed” is most definitely more potent today than in its “flower power” hay day, but because the active ingredient in it (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol) is so harmless, this is somewhat of a moot point. Disabled-world.com, a website dedicated to aiding disabled people and distributing information to the benefit of the physically and mentally disabled, even goes as far as to say, “Marijuana is one of the most beneficial and therapeutically active substances known to man” (Disabled World).
Works Cited
"Medical Marijuana for Pain and Depression." Disability News, Information and Resources - Disabled World. Web. 29 Mar. 2011. <http://www.disabled-world.com/medical/pharmaceutical/marijuana/>.
Hey you Shwayzeeee,
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of using marijuana legalization for a Rogerian argument. I think it has a lot of potential and pros and cons that you can incorporate into your argument to both state your own personal point, but again make compromises with the opposing side. I also thought it was good that you incorporated everyday terms that people use such as “pot head” and “hoodlums”. The readers in your audience all use this language and it is easy to connect to.
However your essay could use a few things to improve its quality. First of all, I don’t see where you have a compromise or solution to the legalization of marijuana. You open up strongly by making common ground and taking the opposing views into consideration, but you don’t offer any solution to the issue. Your second paragraph effectively shows the reader your point of view and explains why marijuana should be acceptable in certain circumstances, and even be beneficial to the users. Also, I only saw one source in your paper. I think that you should use more credible medical sources to back up your argument that states why weed can be helpful in the medical world.
Overall, I really think you have a good start to your essay; you just need to add more paragraphs. One should be added to identify common ground, and then another should suggest a compromise.
Parker,
ReplyDeleteThis is a great start and you have some clearly strong opinions about this topic. You point out that marijuana can actually be beneficial and that some points that people may immediately believe can easily be refuted. This is important.
However, I think some "spring cleaning" may be in order. Although I don't think you need me to tell you this, your draft is significantly shorter than the minimum word count (334 vs 1200). That can be easily fixed so I'm not going to stress over that. I also think that with more sources, this will seem like an easier task too. The main thing is that because you do have so many points, you need to figure out a way to organize them. Transitions as well as a clear structure would help this. (Do outlines help you? If yes- maybe that is the way to go.) I think it could be as simple as figuring out who you are talking to and then organizing it in such a way that is clear to follow: intro, bad points, good points, conclusion OR intro, bad point1, good point1 (That refutes bad point1), etc.. conclusion. Don't forget your compromise in the conclusion though. This is not a rebuttal so, that is a clear point.
With those fixes, your essay will be great! You seem quite knowledgable about this topic and like it is passionate to you so use that passion.
Good luck.
Peggy
Parker,
ReplyDeletethis is a good start to a rogerian argument that may catch the attention of many people because of the topic and that it is relevant to life today. You have strong points for your side, legalizing marijuana, but not a lot of research behind it. The other point of view on this topic was more just general. I would suggest finding more sources to use to show that you understand the sides completely.
You have a voice in this with certain language that you use and that is great to have, it makes your piece stand out. However, I would suggest clarifying your common ground and compromise better. Also, I definitely think that there should be an introduction to the argument itself. Some people may not know what marijuana is, so I would suggest putting this information in the introduction. This will also give you another source for your paper since you need three.
Overall, this is a good start.
Hope this helps!
Rachel
Parker,
ReplyDeleteI think this is a great start to your essay. I like your choice of topic since it's clearly something that's undergone much debate. I like your points, but I think can develop them even further.
I think you did a great job with acknowledging the other side of the conflict. As far as it being a Rogerian argument, I think you do a pretty good job with the language, but maybe you could try to sound even "nicer." Sometimes your opinion is so strong that it comes across as a little more aggressive than necessary. Other than that, you're off to a good start!
Justine
Parker,
ReplyDeleteThe ideas are there and the passion is there, and with some organization you can easily complete your essay.
My first recommendation is that you clearly define your side. Instead of just supporting the legalization of marijuana, pick a reason why it should be legalized. For example, it can be used to treat people who have chronic pain. This can only enhance your argument.
Once you choose a specific reason, I believe that will help you find sufficient research. Legalizing marijuana is a very broad topic, and can spiral out of control easily, but if you maintain your focus in this paper then it will seem like a piece of cake. I'm sure you won't have any trouble finding scholarly sources or opinion articles to support your claims. Also, you might want to take a second look at disability-world.com. It sdoesn't seem like a legitimate source to me.
Another thing to be careful of is spitting out facts like the essay is a game of Jeopardy. You should try to present one fact at a time and then explain how it relates to your argument.
Good luck.
Parker,
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty good start to a potentially strong essay. There were very few grammatical errors and you provide the beginning of a strong voice.
I think you really need to take control of the piece; make it personal to yourself and to your life. You mentioned briefly that you know of many people who have been victims of marijuana abuse scenarios; perhaps expand upon at least one of those (use your personal experience to provide anecdotal evidence).
As for legitimate support, I think even in this beginning paragraph you needed a few sources in these specific places:
[1] "Marijuana has never been linked to either brain or lung damage or to any kinds of cancer." -- I would very much like to see this proved to me
[2] "You cannot overdose from marijuana consumption..." -- This raised the question in my mind, "really?" -- make sure you support this one especially.
[3] "'Weed' is most definitely more potent today than in its 'flower power' hay day..." -- This is a very interesting, new perspective that I hadn't before thought of -- I'd like to see that you're right about that, but it's hard to prove...perhaps "potent" isn't the word you meant to use. I think you were probably referring to a societal potency rather than a literal drug potency. Make sure this point is clear and, if needed, well supported.
That you have three major places where I felt the essay was unsupported in the first paragraph tells me that you have perhaps too many ideas in one space. If you organize your ideas and determine exactly what it is you want to convey, these supporting ideas will be easier to formulate and place.
As for the support you did use, it is a source, but not a strong source. First of all, it's from a website, which could be a credible website -- I'm not sure and, as a reader, I wanted YOU to tell me of its credibility instead of sending me looking. Second, the quote itself is pretty general and would probably serve better as a paraphrase.
You make an assumption in your second sentence that continues throughout the piece:
"...[marijuana] has been associated almost exclusively with losers and hoodlums."
This took me by surprise, because I don't associate it exclusively with those groups. Having had friends of all different societal influence who have used it, I would go as far as to say this statement is false or at least mostly false. Changing this sentence a bit and perhaps providing a small statistic would be beneficial.
Good luck on your final draft -- I would have liked to read more of this so I could have helped a bit more.
-Matthew Fisher
Parker,
ReplyDeleteI think you have great topics in your first paragraph about "pot heads" and what the other view is about smoking marijuana. I do not know if i saw your whole essay because it looks very short and i do not know if you have over 1000 words. I know you wrote this quickly because you did not have a topic, but i think if your keep this structure and good work you will have a very good essay. Also i think you do a great job at the rogerian argument because you have not really set your claim, you are jsut using both sides.
Goodluck,
Colby
This is a nice start but it needs some work. There were a couple grammatical errors I noticed and obviously it's only 2 paragraphs at this point. I'm looking forward to a complete version of this though because I like where you were going with this paper and the tone you took.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck,
Josh
Parker, you can do a much better job presenting this argument. You highlight most of the important parts of the argument that need to be discussed but your supporting data is very lacking. Take some time to reorganize your essay so you can dig deeper into the content of this essay. You did a good job of alluding to a compromise in the end of your introductory paragraph but don't mention it much after that. First, find some more sources and start elaborating on each part of your argument. Secondly, discuss the opposing views your issue and argue against them as best you can before reaching a thoughtful compromise. Lastly, you still need a scholarly source so find an article that pertains to some part of your argument, such as facts o medical marijuana, marijuana laws, or some other topic.
ReplyDeleteJoe
Parker, as your classmates have noted, this is a good start, but you have a long way to go. I actually think this is a great topic for a Rogerian argument, because it's based on opposing values, and you're already doing a good job of expressing respect for and understanding of the other side. Your first paragraph is focused on acknowledging the dangers of marijuana, which is good, but in the next paragraph you seem to bounce back and forth between benefits and risks; I think you can stick to the benefits for greater focus. Obviously, you need a proper introduction and conclusion (who is "you" in the intro?), as well as common ground and a compromise. You also need to expand your research and add a scholarly source to the mix. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHey Parker!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you are using marijuana legalization as your topic, but as this is a hotly debated and very relevant topic (thanks to the recent defeat of the infamous Prop 19 in California), we have some work to do.
I would like to see you use many more sources in your paper than the one you have. It could potentially be a great source to support your argument, but I would like to see it incorporated in a better way, in maybe a paragraph specifically relating to the pros and cons of medicinal marijuana.
Many of the facts that you state are very well-known truths within the pot-smoking community (not that upstanding citizens like you and I participate in such illicit activities), but it would be good to see this proven. Or you could disprove many of the claims made by the anti-drug crusaders by mentioning that much of the research that "proved" that marijuana kills brain cells was done on monkeys by affixing a gas mask to their faces and pumping them full of marijuana smoke, inhibiting oxygen from entering their brains, thus leading to the dead brain cells via asphyxiation.
A good point to make is that of decriminalization, as well. For example, in 2004(?), Portugal decided to decriminalize all drugs. Not just pot. Not just 'shrooms. ALL drugs. Instead of squandering their resources on penalizing people caught with drugs, the offenders would be sent before a panel of specialists (can't remember exactly what), and would then be asked if they would opt for treatment, instead of jail time. Most did.
I do like how you address the stereotypes perpetuated by the anti-drug warriors, and by showing that you understand their point of view you definitely build that connection. However, I think that you could broaden your acknowledgement away from the focus on stereotypes. They are too hard to disprove (but check out the trend called "Stiletto Stoners"), and the right has a much harder argument against legalization than stereotypes.
But I'm glad you're tackling this subject. Keep it up!
Caleb Miller